


Just

by KangKorandKoloth



Series: non-Shunnao bleach fics [1]
Category: Bleach, His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Angst, Bleach has Daemons now, Comfort, Daemons, Everything but the rain, Gen, His Dark Materials AU, Hurt, grumpy doctor has teenaged agnst, my first and probably only crossover fic, no actual shipping but hints at what might be, the bleach Daemon AU no-one asked for but I'm giving you anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22066855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KangKorandKoloth/pseuds/KangKorandKoloth
Summary: In a Bleach universe where all characters have Daemons, a teenage Ryuken Ishida has a small problem....set in the Everything but the rain verse.
Relationships: Ishida Ryuuken/Katagiri Kanae, Ishida Ryuuken/Kurosaki Masaki
Series: non-Shunnao bleach fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588246
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Just

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nekno](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekno/gifts), [Vixen_Argentum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vixen_Argentum/gifts).



> Again, long time no see and again something VERY different. No real notes for this one ('cos lets face it , if you're not a regular reader and clicked on this anyway, I take it you know enough about both universes to know what you're getting into) , but a couple of important acknowledgements. 
> 
> Firstly, to the wonderful Vixen_Argentum who developed this universe with me and without whom this fic would not exist. For that they have my sincere thanks, it was such a fun verse to plan out and I'm so glad this came from it.  
> Secondly, my gratitude goes to Nekno who has supported me in this piece of writing and been my cheerleader for it since I started back in August (despite me being beyond useless at writing the things I should be writing and instead focusing on shit like this. I'm sorry for going off on so many useless tangents - I owe you a Shunnao bed sharing fic and I swear I will finish it one day). This has been a year where I have been feeling increasingly less creative and more frustrated with the writing process and I'm honestly not sure I would have finished this without her. I'm so grateful for her feedback and chivvying me along on the right path. 
> 
> This fic is for both Vixen and Nenko, as I genuinely couldn't have done this without either of them, and I hope you enjoy it. Title is taken from the Radiohead song of the same name.
> 
> I also have a few more ideas for this guy in this AU, will probably write but not sure about publishing yet.... we'll see how we go. My resolution this year is to try and write more and it's nice to have plot bunnies hopping around the warren.

They say snakes are cold to the touch. Ryuken doesn’t mind that though. It’s not exactly true anyway. It’s his daemon’s preferred form and has been for a year or so now. Something, slim and small and green. A bright green, he notes, wondering why she’d choose that of all colours when they share such an ingrained desire to keep themselves hidden. It hardly suggests incognito like an adder or something else dark and camouflaged might. No matter what he might think of the green, this is Ryuken’s preferred form for her too; the one he hopes she’ll take when she finally decides to settle. Whenever that time _eventually_ comes. Those around him are already beginning to ask questions. He’s fifteen now, a high school student surrounded by peers whose daemons decided on their permanent form long before now; a slew of birds and mammals that will follow their humans for the rest of their life. There’s only a handful of the unsettled left now; Ryuken can count them on the fingers of one hand, and they’re getting rarer by the month. He sometimes wonders if he’ll be the only one left at this rate; a mixture of mortified and ashamed at the concept. Being the only one of something is a lonely existence after all and being the only childlike one in the midst of all these new adults isn’t something his adolescent pride is particularly relishing either. 

His parents like to quiz him on just how many like him are left and share worried looks over dinner every so often as he mentions how a fellow classmate or other had their daemon settle into a lark or a monkey and so on. They’re always sloppy in the way they do this and some part of Ryuken thinks they wouldn’t know discreet if it jumped up and slapped them round the face. He doesn’t quite roll his eyes but the underlying contempt he feels by their reaction bubbles up inside him and leaves a strange tension between the small family that neither his mother or father can put their fingers on. Teens like Ryuken are a dying breed and, like it or not, his parents know it. It’s hardly acceptable for an Echt Quincy and the future heir of the family to go unsettled for so long. Ryuken knows this even if it’s never been said out loud. What will they do, he thinks, if he offers them embarrassment of graduating with a daemon who’s refused to pick a form? It’s not exactly the image he knows they wish to project of their family, or their only son; considering what they are and how hellbent they are on him following such a set destiny. The lack of settled form doesn’t matter all that much to him though. It’s not ideal and certainly the kind of worry which increases bit by bit as the months tick by, but not something he really sees as his problem. Things will run their course and the furtive looks from the more curious members of his class or the discreet, indirect concern shown by others won’t change that. They, he and Delmira, muddle along fine for the most part and, a fluid daemon certainly has its uses. Delmira seems to know this too and adapts accordingly; a wolf or something else big and stocky does well in the presence of those seeking to be impressed and meets looks of approval from his parents, while a bird or bug can seek out the quietest spots and a mouse can fit in his pocket when they both wish to be left alone. He likes the adaptability it affords him, and he’s seen others subtly mourn the loss of it once their usually small daemon settles into something big and conspicuous. 

They both prefer the snake though.

Ryuken can’t quite pinpoint when this particular state found its place in the regular repertoire of Delmira’s forms but it’s how she spends 75% of her time given the choice. She did this once before; when they were younger, staying stubbornly as a blueish green dragonfly for months when he was about five or so. She’s never been so keen on a form for so long though. He’s often wondered if this is a sign that she’s thinking about picking one and if he’ll wake up one day to find her fixed once and for all. She’s tried plenty forms in her time too, noting the shapes other daemons take and trying them on for size. It’s like some kind of game to her. An experiment, where she sees a world of possibilities and just needs to find the thing which clicks before she can settle into a form. There are some he’s liked and other’s he’s been able to see the use in. The few days she spent as a near doppelganger of Katagiri’s faithful border Terrier had opened his eyes to how useful a lookout these dogs made; even if this form’s eventual discovery had made for an awkward encounter in the hallway and earned a lecture from his mother on just why someone like him shouldn’t be copying the servants. Not an experiment worth repeating, he decides in hindsight, despite Katagiri not seeming to mind. She’d smiled in the same un-interpretable way she always does and just walked away, leaving him rattled and dumbfounded on the stairs, unsure what to say or do.

No matter what though, they always come back to the snake.

She, his Delmira, likes to wind herself around a wrist or his neck in that form; coiling her cool little body around him until she warms enough for Ryuken to almost forget she’s there. She likes to talk to him most in this form and that’s best done with her at his shoulder, wrapped round him like a scarf and raising her little head towards his ear to hiss out her observations. Her voice is silky in this form, a whisper that seeps soothingly into his consciousness and scritches his brain in just the right way to set him at ease. He listens closely to her in this form too, even at times when she has nothing more interesting to say than banal observations as they make their way through the day to day routine. On cold days, Ryuken pulls the collar up on his coat to protect her from the chill. She comes close then, smooth and silken; nuzzled deep into the gap between shirt collar and neck, and other people tend to stare; alarmed and wondering just where his daemon might be. If it bothers him, he doesn’t give them the chance to notice. He just stares back, using the cold, nearly trademark kind of sternness that will do him well in the future; once he has the lives of others under his hand and a fleet of medics looking for his guidance. This look means people are slowly starting to give him a wide berth, some assuming he’s too antisocial to be worth the time, other’s assuming the snake is Delmira’s final form and buying into the old superstitions about snake formed daemons. It’s irritating how old wives’ tales prevail, he thinks, although it does have its uses. People leave you alone if they feel you’re untrustworthy and being left alone is Ryuken’s preferred state of being. The idea he’s deceptive, irks his sense of honour more than he’d like it to, but it’s still better than the world knowing the truth and being thrust into the spotlight as a nearly 16 year old with the daemon of a child. He’s learned too, by watching his parents, how the Quincy are an asocial bunch compared to the common and garden humans he hangs around with and he sees no reason for him to be any different. Some might argue that being the heir offers him the opportunity to change that for the better and maybe integrate more into the world around them. Ryuken prefers things as they are; there’s less risk that way, and less chance they’ll be discovered by the Shinigami if they keep to themselves. He isn’t stupid, those warnings are some of the lesson’s he’s taken most seriously from his parents and will probably pass on to his children too; should he wind up having any. Some people are better off away from the group and Ryuken is sure he is one of them.

No matter what he tells others and himself, Ryuken does care a little about Delmira and the lack of fixed form. He can't help it. It's not much but enough that he occasionally thinks through various solutions to this small daemon problem. He’s even considered asking Delmira to stick to her snake form when others are around. They could pass it off as a settled form, he thinks, pretend they’re just like everyone else. It’s tempting as the days turn into months and, bit by bit, the pressure to settle begins to build. It would keep everyone off his back he thinks, having half decided the snake’s a foregone conclusion for Delmira’s final form anyway. It would put an end to the curious strangers, halt the questions; maybe even stop the not quite pitying looks from those who seem to think there’s something lacking in him for being so old and not having a settled form yet. He’s always been proud so assumes intentions, letting the feeling of otherness over take him even if he wouldn’t dare show it. He doesn’t want the pity these looks imply. There’s nothing to be pitied, he thinks, bitterly. They’re just fine as they are. It’s everyone else who apparently minds. Not them. A small lie like that is almost an elegant solution to a pressing issue, if that is, Ruyken could shake the sense of uneasiness he feels at telling it. No matter how much of a certainty he thinks the snake will be, there’s always that doubt of what if. Every time he opens his mouth to voice the idea, the niggling fear of what if, gets in the way and it stops him. Wouldn’t it be just his luck if he passed off the snake as a final form, only for Delmira to decide she’d prefer to spend her life as a crow or some other very different form. The risk is slight, but it’s there – especially as Ryuken has very little understanding over how much control Delmira has over her final form.

He’s actually asked her about that once, impulsively without really thinking it through. The words had slipped out a year or so ago, during a particularly restless night. The snake had been a newish form then and Ryuken was getting used to the way she curled around his wrist; tickling slightly as he watched the world from the window. He’s never been a good sleeper and night’s like those left him vulnerable to too much self-reflection. Silence and time to think were dangerous things, especially for a boy with the eyes of his family fixed firmly on his destiny. It was okay with her though. They suit comfortable silences well and always have done. There’s a time old understanding between the two of them and she knows when he’s like this and to give him quiet, whether she agrees with this kind of introspection or not. He remembers looking at her, then the words falling from his lips as if they were trying to outrun his nerves catching on to his train of thought and consigning his curiosity to oblivion; tired and more worried than usual about their situation. Perhaps there had been a spate of classmates settling, perhaps there had not – Ryuken can't quite remember; it doesn’t really matter anyway, these periods of thought have a habit of creeping up on him without any reason. He does remember however, a sense of needing control over this issue; an anxious, arrogant part of him hoping, should Delmira have any say in it, that perhaps she could be reasoned into taking a form sooner rather than later. A form that they both could live with. The nature of daemons and their ways have always been a bit of an enigma to him and like many he makes assumptions. In his teenaged head it hadn’t seemed too far out of the realms of possibility for daemons to get final say over just how they settled.

No answer had been forthcoming though. At least, she didn't given an answer that an anxious Ryuken had considered satisfactory anyway. She was kind in her response. Her head raising and her form changing from long and scaly into the soft and similarly familiar form of a cat; shiny black fur and bright yellow eyes that glitter in the moonlight as her head bumped against the back of his hand. It’s a more expressive form and one she’s bought out over the years when he’s been sad, or angry or worse; something warm and easier to curl up with than a snake and her go to comfort form. She kept the answer short and the look somewhat sad. Thirteen words if he remembers right, none of which gave him the comfort he’d been seeking when he’d asked the question.

_“There are things we cannot discuss and that humans are happiest not knowing”_

He accepted her refusal with a resigned kind of numbness, aware of the velvety fur against his hand but not using the closeness to offer a fuss or any other sign of affection; feeling young, stupid for asking in the first place. He wasn’t sure what else he had expected, but just for a moment, he’d seen a solution to a problem and let that get the better of him. He can understand the wisdom in her words; respect it and even begrudgingly accept it. Like it or not, it made sense; if the answer was easy enough to get just by asking for it, it would be common knowledge at this point and the kind of thing people would talk about. He knew too, that with another daemon , some teens might have wheedled and begged for a better answer than that. Some teens and their daemons were not Ryuken and Delmira though. Ryuken knows better. Delmira has the same stubborn quality that others chastise him for every so often; the kind of cut your nose off to spite your face type of obstinacy that see both of them often refuse to give in until long after it would be fortuitous to do so. It's wisest to surrender with her. Ryuken knows that, even if this surrender does come at the cost of not being able to quite look at her for a while. Defeat was an ache and this one more than most, even if he couldn’t quite find anywhere to place the fault for this defeat. Who was there really to blame? Not him. Not Delmira. Although that didn’t quite stop the little spike of resentment he felt as he turned back to the window, the hand still in the cat’s fur and less sleepy than he had been before. The one thing in the world who knew him better than anyone ever would, the one he shared everything with, had her own secrets and things she chose not to share. It wasn’t fair, not when the rest of the world seemed to place so much value in the one thing she couldn’t seem to do just yet. Another thing on top of all the other things others seem to expect of him. Couldn’t she see why he might have wanted one less thing to hound him. This doesn’t stop the hope though. Her answer leaves enough room for interpretation and interpretation is sufficient for a young and optimistic mind to come back to the same dilemma time and time again; not quite able to let the idea go completely even if he’s resigned to never having a concrete answer. He wants her to do what he sees as the right thing and settle in a form they both can live with. He insists to her he doesn’t mind what that form is; there’s been a few she’s been fond of over the years – he’s prepared to live with any of those. So long as it’s nothing too big or conspicuous looking, but at the same time sufficient to keep his parents off his back then there’ll be no complaints on his part. She just has to settle. He knows the logic is flawed, considering the long list of demands some might see this as, but it’s a line he’ll stick to until he starts to believe it himself.

So, they carry on, day by day, neither speaking or making mention of that night again. They’re good like that, Ryuken thinks; she’s one of the few beings in this world where he can see the value in not needing to be right or perfect in front of her. She’s remarkably forgiving with him, but then, she has to be. They’re two halves of the same whole when all is said and done, no-one will ever know them as well as Delmira knows him and he knows Delmira. They’re each other’s strength and it makes what they are easier to bear in a lot of ways. He’s in a unique position and has been from birth. His schoolmates wouldn’t know what a quincy was let alone what it means to be heir and protector of that lineage. There are very few outlets of retreat in his world; no sympathetic peer who can nod along while he vents about his mother’s heavy handed approach to training patterns and school work, or who’s going through the same uncertainty of an arranged marriage and the lofty expectations that come along with that. Humans, well – humans who aren’t like Ryuken and the rest of his family don’t get it and never will. They are the last of their kind and he’s grown up knowing what a lonely and demanding way of living that is.

It’s never been an easy path to follow; especially when other things make the situation unnecessarily complicated. Nothing has ever been said explicitly either, but Ryuken knows they’re in hiding; or at least his father is. There’s been talk ever since he was little, whispers among the staff that he was sharp enough to pick up on and plenty of sharp looks between his parents over various dinners. They’re masters of the passive aggressive, especially his mother. Ryuken knows she resents his father’s frequent absences and wonders if it’s a combination of that, and whatever drove them away from any remaining quincy that makes her look at him with the kind of coolness that even a younger Ryuken knew wasn’t normal in other marriages. No-one ever goes into detail about all this; not even the gossipier servants that Ryuken has occasionally been able to coax and answer or two out of in the past. Everyone remains tight lipped; loyal to the family. He’ll learn the reason later, but by that time there’ll be too much water under the bridge and being face to face with his parents will be a rare and fraught occurrence. Especially being in the same room as his father. However, whatever the reason for the family being here, it permeates like a bad smell through everything; from the holy training to his mother’s odd obsession with others not coming to the house while desperately trying to keep up the appearance of a normal, middle class family. There’s an unspoken desire to pass amongst everyone else, with the consequences of not doing so implied to be dire without anyone ever saying why.

All the more reason to avoid standing out at all costs by being an older teen with an unsettled Daemon .

With all this playing out in his day to day life; the only possible confident he has is Delmira. Talking to his mother, or perhaps his father when he happens to be around, about just what it means to be heir to the Quincy never really results in a response that brings much comfort, so he doesn’t do it anymore. His mother has always been proud of what she is and any attempt to voice doubts, without fail, has her remind him of how privileged he is to be where he is; he is an Ishida heir and the one raised to protect the Quincy. How could he have doubts? That last bit is never stated but always implied in a way that suggests disappointment if Ryuken dares to tell her otherwise. It’s not worth the hassle, so he shies away from mentioning any of it, drawing him deeper and deeper into a life of quiet isolation.

It’s unfair to say he’s entirely alone though. He does have friends – or at least people his own age whom he knows well enough to pass the time of day with. There’s plenty of classmates around, but Delmira still has to pick up the slack. She alone knows the sense of unyielding pressure which creeps in from all angles until he just wants to retreat into cosy surroundings of his bedroom and never come out. She knows the worst of his thoughts and all the unanswered questions it’s now become too much of a risk to ask. She’s aware he’s been cast down a path that was never discussed with him and is difficult to turn back from now that he really knows what he’s been signed up for. Sometimes it gets too much even for the two of them and they talk in low, urgent whispers then. Each word teased out in terse sentences through gritted teeth. It’s all the usual teenaged angst; how no-one really understands or knows how hard it is for him. Although, even Delmira agrees, that there’s more truth in that for him than most others. She does her best, alternating between comfort and confidant as needed. Her form alters wildly to match too; normally between snake and whatever she thinks will make him happiest at that moment. Usually, it’s the same black cat she’d been on the night when he’d asked about her final form, occasionally it’s smaller; a mouse or a rabbit, but always warm and something soft to the touch. She used to do this when he was younger too, as if the softness could soothe away everything that was wrong in the world. It didn’t work then and definitely doesn’t now, but he likes it all the same. It’s her way of showing she cares even if there’s nothing she can really do to alleviate those burdens he feels a little bit more every day. So, he accepts what’s given, runs his hands through the fur and rubs small circles behind her ears until she’s curls up and begins to doze; sometimes purring, if she’s in the right form to do so. She might not be an animal, but some of the instincts are the same, and Ryuken has never met a cat that doesn’t slowly go daft from a scratch behind the ears. He hopes it brings her some comfort. She saddles enough of his burdens for him to worry about the one-sidedness of their relationship from time to time. He’s always been like that, mindful of others, what works best for those around him. It feels like something one charged with protecting their family should do; a fundamental part of his duties, and one of the best things he can offer the one being without who Ryuken doesn’t know what he’d do.

They talk of his betrothal on occasion. Now that they’re both aware it’s getting nearer. Ryuken knows there won’t be any kind of announcement or ceremony just yet; his parents want him to finish school and there’s a couple of years to go before he graduates, but marriage has been a done deal since his childhood. It’s always been talked of in one way or another, although any idea of who the bride might be has never been mentioned until now. Maybe that’s because there’s never really been anyone to pair him up with. Bloodlines matter to them too, and while there’s plenty of Gemischt about, Ryuken knows they wouldn’t quite do. Not when he’s an Echt and his mother’s intent on keeping the family that way. Delmira thinks there must be some more out there somewhere; considering that his father’s in hiding and the fact betrothal has been considered in the first place. If they were truly the only ones, then what would be the point in waiting around for one to show up. He could be paired with another suitable Quincy and that would be that. With that in mind, it’s easier to not to think about it all that much. Although, there are a few precautions Ryuken takes with a not quite impending but certainly future marriage in mind. He doesn’t date, doesn’t pay all that much romantic attention to those of either sex really. There’s no-one who catches his eye and he wonders just what makes some of the more romantic of his classmates rush headlong into this stuff. Occasionally he’ll be asked who he has his eye on and he gives some generic answer, something that won’t invite follow up questions. Even if there had been someone, what would be the point of perusing it, when a fiancé would eventually show up and all that would come to an end anyway. Plus, he doubts his mother would allow it; a run of the mill human is as much of an Echt Quincy as and Gemischt quincy and just as much insult to the bloodline. Perhaps more so if she’s concerned about powers being passed down. Maybe, if he didn’t have the weight of the family bearing down on him, he might have enjoyed dating. He doesn’t think he’s unattractive and there’s certainly been the odd admiring look thrown in his direction if his classmates are to be believed. There’s an appeal to being part of a pair and having someone who understands or, even if they can’t, tries to and puts up with him anyway. It’s a nice image and one he shares with Delmira although he doesn’t quite go into the exact details. She’s the one who puts up with him and Ryuken doesn’t want her to think he needs more than her for that. He isn’t sure if daemon’s get jealous but having her in a huff when he gets home and needs someone to dissect the day with isn’t palatable to him either. That’s not quite what he thinks he wants from a partner anyway, it’s part of it, but he doesn’t want someone just because they tolerate him either.

People pair off all the time now that they’ve all reached high school. These pairs actually go around together in groups of three or four; group dates to cafes and cinemas, where singletons are either excluded or taken along but eyed with pity. It’s another thing which isolates him from the rest. Classmates feel the need to offer platitudes around how the right one will come along soon, while those not as close to him, observe from a distance and question whether this state of permanent bachelorhood is due to him having preference that won’t be socially accepted for many years to come. Maybe there’s some truth in that, maybe there isn’t; although Ryuken doesn’t know either way for absolute certain. It’s not talked about at home and classmates can only speculate with him, knowing about as much as he does. It doesn’t stop him from scowling at the curious; staring them down hard as if daring them to suggest he’s anything other than what society expects him to be. It does the trick too and that’s a relief. He’s powerful in his own right; or at least he’s always had an aptitude for training that surpasses many of the other Quicny under his parent’s tutelage, but he’s not exactly eloquent and nor is he the kind of physical fighter who’d do well in a playground brawl. In fairness, he’s not sure it would actually come to that; he’s quiet and doesn’t really make a good target for those looking for a victim. He’s observant; can think quickly and has a knack for strategy which, when combined with a sharp tongue, all works in his favour. He keeps his head down too, doesn’t draw attention to himself; a chameleon just like his daemon. But he’s seen what some of the more knuckleheaded members of his class will do to those that even hint at standing out, which makes drawing further into himself and keeping a safe distance from his peers feel like an exercise in self-preservation at this point.

With thoughts of any kind of official engagement and wedding so far off in the distance, he can carry on and not give it a second thought. School and home remain very much the way they’ve always been. As does Delmira. The months go by and she’s no closer to finding a form than she was on his last birthday. He still considers asking her to hold one form, especially, if he’s honest, Ryuken finds it matters to him more and more the longer she remains fluid. The resentment spikes up again from time to time, almost as if some poisonous little part of him thinks she’s doing it on purpose. There’s jealously there too accepting that this is just the way things are and might be for a while longer. If anything, it makes him more protective of Delmira. It’s a confused and righteous kind of indignation that makes him want to yell after those he catches looking at them. He’s always had a shorter fuse than most people give him credit for, and the longer this goes on for, the more tempting it becomes to lash out at sad, sympathetic looks and questions around why he’s still like this. Why should it matter that she’s taking her time, He’ll ask himseIf, seething silently and shooting death-stares at any perceived target. It shouldn’t matter, he decides, she’s fine, they’re fine and they’ll pick a form when they’re good and ready, not before. None of this is said out loud, of course but he’s getting better at shutting people down with a look now. It’s surprising how little practice it takes, especially when people are just singling you out as you look easy to get a rise out of. It’s round about this point where others begin to mention his coldness . It makes things easier over all, if people keep their distance.

His sixteenth birthday comes and goes but nothing changes, unless you count the odd snatches of conversation he hears around the house and the occasional searching look he feels boring into the back of his head when his mother feels he isn’t looking. That’s just fine, he thinks, doubling down on the idea that there’s nothing wrong with them and the rest of the world will need to get used to it. The pressure’s there though, whether he likes it or not. It bares down on him, just lingering in the back of mind enough to be irritating now. The two of them close ranks likes never before. Him and Delmira. Not wanting any further intrusions into what they see as their business. It’s a lonely existence but then again so much of Ryuken’s life always has been. It’s not much of a difference and relatively painless all things considered. He comes late to meals, uses the excuse of studying to hole up in his room whenever he can; simple things that normally go unremarked upon and drag him inch by inch out of family life. His mother dismisses it as typical teenage moodiness and dedication to his education, while his dad isn’t around to care all that much. There’s the odd occasion, Katagiri most notably, as well as friend or two, will corner him and ask if everything’s okay. He waves them off with a sense of guilt, almost breaking a little with Katagiri. They’ve known each other a long time. Since they were children in fact and she’s better at most at getting him to talk. He’s never really been sure how she does it, maybe it’s something in the way she looks at him or the way she voices her concerns; a strange mix of firm and hesitant which suggests she fears overstepping the mark but fears more what might happen if she doesn’t say something. There’s a part of him which hates seeing that; frustrated that even after all this time, she’d worry about what he might say. She’s an ally in the house of sorts. She doesn’t exactly stand up for him, but she has a knack at picking up the pieces of whatever might have befallen him at that moment. She’s a silent presence, an observer to more arguments and inter family drama than he suspects even his parents realise. She stands like a sentinel, absorbing everything and occasionally catches up to him on the stairs where they’ll talk conspiratorially about whatever the problem of the moment is. She’s good, almost as good as Delmira and he’s grateful for that, but even she toes the party line more than he really needs in an ally. Not that he blames her; his family are the ones paying her wages after all. However, unlike most, Katargiri does understand what it is to be a quincy and to be in hiding and to have the kind of knowledge that he does and it’s perhaps that’s why his response to her is kinder than it is to anyone else who asks about him. She’s observant like him and he suspects she’s already put the pieces together of just why he’s doing what he is. Part of him wishes she wouldn’t. It would be kinder that way. Deep down, he knows that he doesn’t want her to worry about him. Deep down, he feels she shouldn’t _have_ to worry about him. Not when he’s doing this to himself for his own self-preservation. So, he sends her away too, or at least tries to. She’s stubborn in her own way and lets the angst blow past her, still there, still talking when she can catch him, just wise enough now not to check in on him, no matter what she might think.

By the time the end of the school semester rolls round, bringing with it a development or two, Ryuken is at the point where is he happily alone. His mother has finally accepted getting him to join in too much with family life is a lost cause and writes him off rather more kindly than she did his father. They still talk, passing like ships in the night as she goes about running the household and he carries on his way, Delmira often settling on wrist or shoulder in a way that feels as natural as breathing to him now. She’s changing less and less these days but still not settled. He’s maybe seen two or three different forms from her in the space of a week, gut telling him that it really won’t be much longer. It _can’t_ be, can it?

Except that she still insists on taking her time. 

Ryuken spends the next few months, a mixture of resigned and content. He knows there’s things on the horizon, but without any hint of when they’ll occur, he’s given up trying to fight them. He’s always dealt with stuff like this in the past by trying to control what he can, however small. He’s all but exhausted that now. There is no string he can pull or anything he can ask from anyone to reveal more of what fate has in store for him to tip the balance in his favour. It’s been frustrating at times, but something he’s managed to weather, picked up and prodded along by Delmira when needed. He’s found himself watching her at times, coming back to the curiosity of just how much she knows about her final form and just how settling happens. He just knows she’ll be a snake, Ryuken convinced himself of that fact months ago, he can’t see how she could possibly be anything else now considering it’s the only form others really see her in now. Any changes in form have slowly become for his eyes only, again more comforting things; cats in various brands of stripes and spots, big and little, plus one particularly interesting night she spent as a raven. Although that hasn’t quite allowed people to just assume that she’s settled either. He’s been caught out quite a few times, by servants who’ve knocked and entered to find the usually reptilian daemon curled up in his lap as a tabby house cat or the time his mother came home early to see him watching tv with an ocelot at his feet. It’s fair to say he’s in a kind of denial now. It’s been so long, it almost feels to Ryuken that settling just may never happen to him. He actually begins to see a future where he and Delmira vanish off into adulthood as they are and although he doesn’t really embrace the idea, it doesn’t quite repulse or scare him either.

He might have gone on thinking that if two things hadn’t happened almost at once.

The first hits him like a bolt from the blue, after he turns up to class at the start of the Autumn Semester to find there’s been another few settlings over the break. The first is the youngest in the class who’s dealt with the stigma of having an unsettled daemon with far less grace Ryuken has; her relief is tangible as a fennec fox trots happily after her when she takes her seat. The other, another boy who Ryuken’s shared looks of commiseration with from time to time as the rest of their class settles, and now sports a reddish lemur proudly on his shoulder, completing the class – almost. Ryuken just sits there, a little wide eyed, a little lost while Delmira at his neck observes silently through pitch black eyes. It’s not that he’s unhappy at this development. He doesn’t even feel the twinge of jealousy some others might have felt at seeing everyone leave him behind. There’s nothing, except a ravished raw knock you on your ass shock which leaves you totally bereft of anything.

It finally happened. He really is the last of the unsettled.

He feels numb, totally and utterly; always aware this might happen but never quite expecting that it would. It’s like he’s been floating in a bubble until now, going about his day to day business immune to the idea that it could ever happen to him. The idea of entering into adulthood like this might have been in the back of his mind, that didn’t mean he ever seriously considered it would happen. It’s like being released from a stasis, dragged out and thrust back into the real world without proper time to adjust. It’s a cold rush of air then a heart-rending plummet to the ground as all the implications of this hit hard and a sense of deep seated shame put him properly in his place. A few thoughts enter his head all at once; has anyone here realised and am I about to be dogpiled by the well-meaning and those seeking a target, how do I keep this from mother, and finally, what the hell do I do now? His eyes dart round the class room, hyper-focussed on each and every face, seeing them all as a potential foe now that it’s confirmed he’s truly unlike the rest of them in yet another way. He expects hell, or at least the kind of hell teenage teasing generates, wanting more than anything to limit the damage as much as he can. Nothing comes though. No-one looks his way or says a word. No-one at all. They carry on with their day as if he doesn’t exist. He takes a breath. Let’s it out again in a discreet huff; relieved and fearful all at once. They have to have realised the same thing as him, haven’t they? Who is and isn’t settled is normally something his classmates are aware of and gets discussed often enough to make those who haven’t settled yet uneasy. He’s amazed at least one person hasn’t clocked there’s only one of them left. It generates a sense of discomfort, Ryuken glad he’s flown under the radar but at the same time curious as to why. Is he really that inconspicuous now? In his panic it doesn’t occur to him that he might have done such an effective job at distancing himself that he’s faded into the background sufficiently for no-one really to remember if he’s settled or not. He’s a non-issue. Just as he wanted to be. It takes a moment for that realisation to sink in; the idea that after all these months, he’s actually managed to get away with becoming unnoticed, some of the wind taken out of his sails by it. He’s prepared for a fight that’s never going to come and oddly enough finds no joy in that. The pressure hasn’t gone even though no-one’s really paying attention anymore. If anything, it’s increased. There’s a Chinese water torture drip of need now. They’re in the clear, provided they can settle and do it before anyone catches wise. Somehow that’s worse that having to face the mocking stares and pity that his classmates can throw at him. There might not be a fight but there’ll be no commiserations either or support from those who’d would have once had his back. He’s effectively won the battle he’s been fighting against the world all these months and the prize feels worth it, albeit a hollow and a little tarnished now he’s realised the true cost. A friend right now, would be nice, even if he’d never have the courage to admit that. So, he shoulders his shock, grits his teeth against the pain and carries on with his day with his head held high and a snake-like Delmira wrapped proudly around his neck as if she’s always been like this.

Things are really not that simple, however. They never are.

That fateful day in the classroom and the next few after that pass in a daze, Ryuken going through the motions of the dutiful son and student. He says nothing to his parents about being the last, glossing over the incident and the shock he still feels by art of omission. What good would it do anyway, he thinks. He’s not certain his parents would view this new development as a failure on his part, but even he has to admit that it doesn’t reflect well on him to be the last of anything. Why would they have asked so much about it anyway, if it didn’t matter on some level? Work and Training are done quietly and without complaint, meals are eaten, chores kept up with, but all an air of defeat that’s obvious enough for people to notice. Not that anything says much of anything to him about it. They’ve learned better than to ask over the last few months and no comfort is forthcoming from any source except Delmira. She clings close at a time like this, oddly serene considering the predicament they’re in is partially down to her. She simply observed that day in the classroom and has said nothing about it since, almost sinking in on herself as the reality sets in. It seems to have made her more erratic too. The frequent changes are back; she shifts back and forth between forms just like she did when he was younger. He can sense her restlessness, although in all the years they’re been together, Ryuken has never seen her display it like this. She’s indiscriminate about how and where she changes too; flitting from snake, to cat to bird to bug and back again at the drop of a hat as if it no longer matters to her whether anyone sees or comments. Ryuken doesn’t even have the heart to stop her after a day or so of his pleas for caution falling on death ears. Forms he hasn’t seen in years make a sudden return, catching Ryuken off guard and rattling his already strained nerves. These forms bring him no comfort, in fact they make things worse as he frets about being caught out. He wants to beg her to keep the snake form at least while they’re at school; but she can’t even seem to do that anymore. He’s a hypocrite, he decides as he tries his damnedest to push down his fear and get his daemon to cooperate, uneasy and a little disgusted with himself. He’s not supposed to care about this anymore, they’re meant to be fine. That’s what he tries to tell himself every time they come close to being spotted mid change and he almost has a heart attack. It’s hard to reconcile the idea of not caring when panic rises in his gut the second it feels like they might be discovered. It makes him wonder if she really has any control over the forms she takes anymore or if all these changes are just a sign that the whole thing has finally gotten to her as much as it has him. That’s hard to know though, when the one with the problem insists she has secrets that can’t be shared with mere humans.

It’s another night very much like the first time he asked, when he dares to ask her the question again. There’s a few catalysts leading up to it, even the sudden instability of his Daemon’s form isn’t quite enough to make Ryuken dare ask something he’s been clearly told does not concern humans. It’s an issue no doubt, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t concerned, but it’s a storm he’s hoping they’ll weather. He trusts her. In a way, he doesn’t really have a choice considering his self-imposed isolation and holds out the hope that all these changes are a reaction to still being unsettled and nothing more. It makes sense to him that Dameons would have stress reactions just like a human would. He’d know if something was wrong, he tells himself, repeating that thought over and over again until he almost believes it. It’s still not enough to ask Delmira to reveal her secrets though. Since that first night it feels as if there’s been an unspoken covenant between them. Delmira has given her response and he’s accepted it, albeit with much less of a fight than other might have, but accepted it nevertheless. Ever since he was a child, he’s always assumed that his Deamon would have his best interests at heart. Why wouldn’t she? They’re essentially one and the same person – it’s in her interests to ensure she doesn’t do anything that would do him a disservice. She’s the reliable one, and even the sudden erratic shape changing hasn’t quite been enough to shake the foundation of that. She has a reason for, he tells himself over and over again – even when he just wants to beg her to stop, just like she has a reason for everything. It feels more loyal to him if he bides his time until he really can’t help it any more. The pressure he can live with, he decides, the alarm will go in time as will her shapeshifting, neither concern him enough to break that sense of trust between the two of them.

The catalyst, it actually turns out, is the day he returns home from school to find he has a visitor. Although visitor is probably the wrong way to put it.

It happens a week or so after the first revelation, just long enough for the shock to fade into numbness and the pressure to settle before Delmira’s wild changes get spotted and finally reveal the truth to those around them, to ramp up and properly make its’ presence felt. He’s constantly pensive, maybe even a little jumpy by some people’s standards but he’s so used to keeping out of the way now, it hardly registers to those around him, but he’s settling into it now. He takes each day that nothing is mentioned as a victory and spends the time between walking home and secluding himself in his room as time to count his blessing and psych himself up for the day after and the one after that . It’s a constant war, but one he holds out hope of winning provided Delmira can just get a hold of her shifting. There’s a small part of him who’s becoming cautiously optimistic and on this day in particular he’s actually able to put his caution to one side and enjoy the good weather. Life is very far from perfect, but he’ll take the odd parts of good while they last – the hope and the optimism that follow come with the idea, he’ll be in the clear soon enough, if he can just keep attention from him for just a little longer…

This surprise of sorts is waiting in the living room when he returns home. She sits with his mother, perched on the edge of her seat, hands in her lap as Ryuken enters the room; called in by his mother as soon as she hears the door go. The room is quiet, this surprise visitor nervous enough, although Ryuken concedes that this might be because she isn’t used to his mother’s particular brand of sharp. It’s only in moments like this that Ryuken is reminded how cool she can seem to the uninitiated. He’s told to sit and takes the chair opposite the two on the couch; slouched back with Delmira curled round his wrist, a comfort, glad she’s behaving herself for now. The visitor’s daemon sits at her feet, settled as far as Ryuken can tell in the form of a monkey. They’re the same age, he thinks, or maybe she’s a fraction younger than him, it’s hard to tell. She has a warmth to her that’s always been lacking between those who live here; it’s kind of pretty, Ryuken thinks and he wonders if that warmth extends to her personality. It leaves him wanting to make a good impression and a strong desire to keep up a façade here, wanting to save face in front of a peer. Curious, he looks to his mother, searching for an explanation for the girl and why it’s so important they meet but receives nothing except a steady somewhat satisfied look. Ryuken for his part says nothing until his mother speaks again, hoping she knows what she’s doing.

Once settled, there’s introductions, awkward nodding bows and the usual small talk. They have names for each other now, Ryuken an understanding of just who she is to him. Cousins, another Echt – here, primarily, to finish her education. It’s only then that things begin to fall into place and with it, Ryuken’s heart begins to sink. It actually takes his mother a while to get to the point and confirm the conclusion Ryuken had managed to draw once the word echt left her mouth. She skirts around it, but finally stop beating around the bush. The wedding Ryuken decided he didn’t need to concern himself with just yet, has finally caught up with him while he’s been preoccupied with Delmira and her inability to settle. He had a bride and if his mother’s wishes were adhered to (as he suspected they would be – it wasn’t as if his father would raise any objections to her plans and it was clear to Ryuken his views were expected to toe the family line) the union would be settled just as soon as the two of them finished high school. A done deal with little room for argument and the weight on Ryuken’s shoulders finally reached a point where he found himself utterly crushed by it. He looked dead ahead, the words echoing in his ears and taking on a new kind of horror the more he considered them. He was to be married. He was expected to provide for a wife and take the reigns from his father, to continue the bloodline and maintain their existence. He was expected to do all this with a women he barely knew and with the hallmark of adulthood still missing. He feels an imposter, a liar who isn’t mature enough to settle his daemon let alone lead a family in the way his mother thinks he can.

He returns to his bedroom an hour or so later, having dropped this new fiancée off at her room at his mother’s insistence and making a few minutes of awkward conversation. He wonders if he should ask about her family, offer her condolences or something along those lines considering what his mother’s just told him. It doesn’t quite come out though. He shuffles his feet, murmurs a few factoids about meal times and maids while she watches, silent and tangibly withdrawn. She eyes Delmira, still a snake, still mercifully holding form, then Ryuken, the look on her face indescribable. It does nothing to sooth his new formed worries and only adds to the weight. If she buys into the superstitions about snake daemons that’s one thing; an irritation he’ll have to learn to live with, but he wonders if she can tell something’s off, that Delmira isn’t quite what she appears The weight presses down a hair harder, so much so he wonders how he can still breath, let alone walk the few short steps along the corridor towards his own bedroom, open the door then lock it after him. It’s a colossal effort and by the time the door is closed, he’s exhausted. His school bag slips off his shoulder to lie forgotten on the floor while its owner slumps against the bed, pulling off his glasses and pinching the stem of his nose while Delmira finally breaks form. Fur brushes against his hand and he sees the cat again, small and black with big green eyes that watch him intensely. He opens his eyes under the intensity of that gaze and turns his head, idly ruffling the fur, searching for a way to vocalise everything that’s happened since he got home from school.

“ _You have a lot to get used to_ ”

Delmira fills the silence for him, stating something Ryuken can only nod to. It’s the mother of all understatements, he thinks. He feels as if he’s been hit by a truck.

_“although none of it is unexpected”_

She settles into a spiral and his hand clutches hard to her fur, unable to let go. He looks up to the ceiling, the image of it blurred without his specs and words still evading him. Delmira doesn’t purr at his touch, just watches him from where she lays and waits for him to speak. She knows he’s thinking but can’t know the full extent of the desperate, panicked stream of consciousness holding him hostage. He feels suddenly much younger than his years and the road ahead far more insurmountable than when it was a long way in the future; going from something he’ll be old enough to tackle when it eventually rears its head, to something he’s not sure he can face now that it’s here. What gives him the ability to follow in his father’s footsteps or raise a family of his own. What makes anyone think he could be a good husband or even someone this near stranger could find herself attracted to let alone love.

“How?”

His voice is hoarse and wavers towards the end, the question somewhat pleading even if he knows that Delmira can’t possibly have an answer for him. He wants to be walked through every moment of this future, the how’s the whys and the wherefores. Maybe it’ll feel less overwhelming that way.

“ _You have time, you will adapt and we’ll eventually get used to it_ ”

He snorts and the cat bolds up; head first then body, shocked for a moment before stretching out then eventually lying down so she can see him better. He wishes she wouldn’t watch him so intently, that she’d use what she knows so well about him to either give him his space or offer a solution. She must know, he thinks, how badly he needs that right now. Better her to see him like this than the humiliation of someone else. The images of his fiancée, Katagiri enter his head and the thought of either one of them walking in right now makes him want to curl up and die. 

“and what if I don’t want to ‘get used to it’?”

The cat’s eyes dart to the window, to the quiet suburban street where few people walk at this time of day.

“ _Then you have options…although I’d argue it’s the harder route to take_ ”

It takes him a second to catch on to her meaning and concede she has a point, even if it’s an unpalatable one. He has autonomy to an extent; access to money in a savings account and the means to make his escape almost at his fingertips. They could go now while everyone is holed up in their rooms and probably wouldn’t be missed until later in the evening. He could vote with his feet and it would be as easy as packing a bag and heading out of the servant’s entrance. It’s tempting. Even Ryuken can see that. It would mean an end to the expectations, a world where no-one asks so much of him even if it would mean having to fend for himself.

“I can’t, you know we can’t”

The words come after a pause, and Ryuken can’t quite believe he gave such a rash idea such serious consideration. He’s almost been able to picture the freedom she suggests and the options it would open up to him should they choose to take that chance. Maybe if things were different, he might have taken it but as it was, the thought of just how far his savings might go and how he’d support himself without a high school education are enough to give him pause. He has plans, big ones and ones which need money to complete – money his parents can provide so long as he plays their game. Delmira knows this, and she’s right, leaving now would be the much harder option.

_“I’ll look after you”_

He’s puzzling this statement when she changes for a second time. Ryuken opens his mouth to protest, hoping the situation down stairs had signaled a return to normality, then shuts it again in favour of observation. The small, sleek form expands; growing, bigger _bigger_ until the sleek physique of a domestic cat is replaced with another, still feline, shape. She’s a snow leopard now, her fur thick against his hand and her body pressed long and imposing against his flank, as close as she can get. He can’t even raise a smile, just stares grimly down at the pretty white fur and knowing amber eyes.

“You need to stop doing that”

There’s an edge of anger to the sadness now. It's not that he doesn’t appreciate the leopard or what she’s trying to do, but the new form reminding him of another reason this whole development couldn’t have come at a worse time. They’re too old for this and Delmira should know it. The leopard cocks her head, implying that she finds this demand somewhat absurd or that he should know she can no more stop changing as he could breathing.

“if Masaki finds out, we haven’t…”

The implications of what the consequence would be hangs heavy between them, even if neither of them can truly know whether his fears will really become a reality. She has a kind look about her, Ryuken reminds himself, maybe even understanding if he was willing to give her a chance to prove it to him. She might understand, maybe. Although, showing a weakness like this to someone like her feels like too much trust to put in her. She's a stranger and he can’t quite trust that she wouldn’t judge or hold it against him. She owes nothing to him after all, she’s been thrust into this just as much as he has. Who can say if having a leverage like this over him would actually suit her well.

“ _there are things humans are happier not knowing_ ”

And just like that he’s snapped back to that night, with all its’ disappointments and resentment. Of course, that’s what she’d say, he thinks, she made it clear before that whatever answers he seeks he won’t find them in her. It's still the last thing he wants to hear. It doesn’t stop him from wanting or the way he holds her gaze, slow steady demanding. He doesn’t know what he aims to gain from this but at this point he has nothing left to lose.

“Try me”

She doesn’t answer, simply places a paw on his knee. They’re heavy, so much heavier than Ryuken expects them to be. It pins him to the spot, unable to turn his back on her even if he wanted to. The silence rankles, the lack of anything making the situation at hand so much worse. He seeks control even if deep down he knows that it’s never going to come. That doesn’t stop the hope though, or the small, childish expectation that Delmira might just make an exception to this statement considering the situation they now find themselves in. There’s an odd look in the Daemon’s eyes, not quite pity nor sadness, but something that tells Ryuken that even if she had the answer, she wouldn’t share them. His eyes widen and he instinctively doubles down. He’s not sure what else he can do at this point. Words are all he has.

“well?”

Still nothing. They remain in this face off for several tense minutes, the more that time ticks away the more uncertain Ryuken becomes over his next actions. What will he do if she doesn’t get the answer he wants, shout? Scream? Stamp his feet like a child while this stoic, silent creature looks on. None of those particularly appealing, especially as Ryuken knows that’s the least effective way of getting what he wants from her. She never tolerated tantrums when he was much younger, he doubts that will have changed at all in the subsequent years. She’s always been the steady one out of the two of them. It’s what he’s needed and whether he likes it or not, is probably what he needs now too. The yellow eyes glow faintly in the dusk of early evening; he’s neglected to turn the light on, and the room has long since fallen into streetlight glow and dappled shadow. A second paw joins the first one, the weight on his leg almost enough to be uncomfortable, although he does nothing to remove her, instead focused on the tilt of her head and the eyes which never leave him.

“I need to make an impression” he says, finally putting a voice to the fears that came roaring to the forefront in the living room and haven’t left him alone since. He is Ryuken Ishida, heir and protector of the Quincy. He is to be married. He is to carry on his father’s legacy, and he is still missing the one of the most fundamental trappings of adulthood. A trapping that Delmira can help him achieve “she needs to know, I’m worthy to carry the future of the quincies”

Delmira's chest heaves, almost like a sigh and Ryuken feels his patience finally wither and wane into a frustrated non-existence. He opens his mouth but Delmira jumps in before a single sound can be uttered.

“ _You want this to stop?”_

The question floors him. It knocks any further demands out of his head and renders him silent. What a question to ask, he thinks, flabbergasted, what did she think all this had been about these last few weeks? Had that all really been lost on her? He didn’t understand, in fact, understood less now than he had before he’d entered the living room that evening and been dealt the bombshell that he was now betrothed. He straitened his back, looked down at her, the answer obvious to him.

“I do. You know I do?”

She shakes her head, her ears making an odd flapping sound against her head, her fur brushing against Ryuken’s hand, as if she’s insisting, he makes a fuss of her. His hand remains where it is, his face the picture of confusion and hurt, waiting for her answer. It isn’t like her to be this cryptic, not like them to find a sticking point like this one. It takes a long time to come again and he wonders if she’s finding this difficult. Each word she speaks as if doing so takes a strength she’s not sure she has. 

“ _and you’re content to live with the consequences of that?”_

He frowns properly now, wondering what possible consequences there could be to something so natural that they’ll eventually have to go through anyway. What could be so bad that Delmira is so reluctant to drag them through it?

That is, if she even has any choice in the matter. It’s not like she’s ever given him an indication one way or another.

“Yes”

It comes out far more certain than he feels. Her words have been enough, to shake the foundations of his certainty; there’s a part of him who at least wants to demand she explain herself, or, at least let him on the great secret of whatever consequences come with finally picking them a form. Delmira cocks her head, her eyes bore through him, making him suddenly feel very small; unequipped to make the decision.

“why _wouldn’t_ I want it?”

He’s never really thought what taking a settled form means or what he might be giving up. Would he really be giving anything up? There is no downside in his eyes – not in the way she suggests, he thinks, there can’t be, otherwise people and their daemons wouldn’t go through it. The lack of change will be inconvenient, he'll miss the dargonfly, the cats, but nothing that can't be lived with. It’s always been sold to him as such a natural normal process, the thing that will solve all their problems considering the snake is all but a foregone conclusion right now. He’s been certain of that for months. She doesn’t take her eyes off him, the expression softer now but still sharp enough to shrink him further. He feels nine or ten, a mere child asking questions that he can’t possibly fathom the answers to from a being who holds all the cards.

“you know why it’s important…”

His thoughts stay in the present, fixed firmly on a classroom of settled friends and the girl across the hallway, his parents and the future they see coming together in such a satisfying way. He’s done so well at keeping this failing out of their sight, playing his part well. He’s not sure he can keep it up indefinitely. There’s another person in the mix too now. A fiancée. One more person to keep happy. One more person he risks slipping in front of.

It’s only as he machinates on this that something hits him like a bolt from the blue.

There is a way out of this. It’s all so clear now.

She must be offering him a choice, he thinks, his heavy heart lightening at the implications of this. Maybe this is her way of offering a way out of this, _maybe_ the end was in sight and all he had to do was ask again. Maybe that’s the reasons for the questions. Why else would she be asking them?

“If you can do it now….put an end to it, then….”

He chooses his words carefully, aware of what she's said before and feeling as if he's been let in on some great daemon secret, but still winds up trailing off, deciding the benefits of her settling are self-explanatory. She must be aware of how much easier his life would be if it was all over with. His eyes shine, plead in the right light, but hers don’t. They stare transfixed at the boy now so alert, so full of hope, as if she can’t quite believe this is his reaction to the situation.

“ _You wish for this to end?”_ she repeats, softer now; so gentle and solemn that Ryuken can almost swear he hears a touch of regret to her voice as she finishes

“Yes” he replies firmer now, ignoring the doubts she’s cast, in favour of something he is now certain of. Delmira, whether she wishes to reveal it or not, can determine when they settle and has been holding off on doing so. Maybe all Daemons ask these questions of their humans and the only real problem is that he’s not been proactive enough in asking for what he wants. If that’s the case, then Ryuken can’t even be angry with her for holding back, even after seeing the anxiety being unsettled has caused him. It was _him_ not her. It had to be. He wasn't mature enough to question and she was wise to wait. He can see now that perhaps it was all for his own good.

“do it, I can live with the consequences”

He waits, eyes wide breath bated. Fear turns to excitement, anticipation. What will it be like, he wonders. A flash of light or some other effect and that'll be it? It has to be slightly magical. It's such an important thing. He’s asked now, all he has to do is let her work her magic and then he'll know just like everyone else. It’ll be over soon; she’ll be a snake and he can finally walk with his head held high and be the protector of the Quincy they all expect him to be. It’s almost hard to believe it’s all so simple…

He waits. She doesn’t move a muscle. She looks on, sad, puzzled, a tad guilty as his face begins to fall and the reality properly sinks in. Whatever Delmira can or can’t do, it’s clear to Ryuken that the matter isn’t going to be settled all that easily.

“well?”

He’s desperate again, he’s the epitome of it from head to toe, freefalling from the high of his previous certainty and crashing back into an ugly reality. He doesn’t know what to believe any more. He wants to demand she either apologise or clarify. If he’s wrong, then what does she know and why she is asking him these questions. None of it makes sense to him, in fact only increases his desire for her do to something rather than simply look at him as if he should know what she’s getting at.

“you asked me if I wanted this to end, what more do you need?”

“ _Go to sleep Ryuken”_

There’s a sudden lightness as two big paws leave his lap. Delmira, stands, makes her way to the end of the bed, tail swishing behind her as she curls up into a ball and lays her head down. She looks exhausted, lacking in words just as much as he is. Ryuken watches her, open mouthed, struggling for more words, more demands despite their mutual fatigue – _something_ to clear the way and give him what he wants. The digital clock on his bedside cabinet states 10pm, he’s not sure where the last few hours have gone, how it could have gotten so late. It’s not late though, certainly not late enough for him to be instructed to sleep by the one holding the answers to so many questions.

“I don’t want to –“

She raises her head and the eyes are back on him. His words die in his throat as he squirms under the spotlight of them. If the weight of responsibilities, push on him at times, then it’s nothing compared to this look. It’s sharp, crushing and offers no room for argument. He’s sharp enough to know he’s pushing his luck, that this is her way of signalling the matter closed, but it doesn’t stop him regrouping and trying again. After all this, she owes him he thinks. No matter what the consequence of that might be. 

“I want-“

“ _I know!_ ”

“Then what more do you need?!”

His frustration finally seeps through, his voice louder than he realises, echoing under the door and cracking the Daemon’s stoic demeanour. Maybe she hasn’t realised until now how badly he wants this, Ryuken can’t tell, but the effect is startling. They never really raise their voices at each other, not even when Ryuken was at the age to have tantrums. They’ve always just muddled along. She’s never been sharp and before Ryuken would have said it wasn’t in his nature to be demanding but now, it’s hard to help. It feels like a wrong has been done here. A great wrong and one he can’t just go to sleep and let lie.

“What do I need to do?”

The words hiss out, not quite wheedling but doing their upmost to coax out an answer or two – to make a bargain whatever it takes. It dawns on Ryuken how loud he was before. The last thing he wants is to draw more attention than strictly necessary. He has no idea how much his family know about this problem anymore, his mother said nothing back in the living room although that counts for very little. If she knows, then there’d be an element of shame to admitting that to the girl she wishes to induct into her family, if not – then what’s the point in boasting that your son has managed to achieve the bare minimum for his age. Drawing too much attention now, would bring the whole ugly thing to a head and cause embarrassment for them both. It’s more than his life’s worth to bring embarrassment down on his mother.

“ _There is nothing you can do. Go to bed. Go to sleep._ ”

He goes to reply, not exactly relishing receiving orders from the other half of his soul or this continued concealment of the truth, when there’s a knock at the door. Their head’s snap round almost in sync with one another as the shock of another presence. This is private, this is not to be seen or heard by others. Damn it, he thinks, muttering unintelligible curses under his breath as it dawns on him, he's done this to himself. 

“Sir?”

Ryuken’s heart sinks further. The voice he hears is far better then many others it could be; at least he hasn’t bought his mother to the door, but it’s still unwelcome. Any other servant would have been better than her.

“Katagiri?”

“Everything okay in there?”

Delmira’s ears prick up, that sharp, uncomfortable gaze now trained on the door as if that alone could spirit this well wisher away. She’s tense, perhaps more tense than Ryuken himself is; it hangs around the room enough to send a shiver up his spine. Why that is Ryuken can’t tell. Wasn’t this his embarrassment? In the last few weeks she hasn’t appeared to care whether or not people see her change even when Ryuken’s been asking her to stop. Nevertheless, tension or no tension, Katagiri needs to go. Ryuken knows that, even if there’s a small part of him who thinks an ally like her would be a godsend in this moment. It’s a rather hypocritical stance. He wants to keep her from this particular problem, but another human to talk to does have an appeal. Especially her, who’d calmly sit down and listen without judgement. She’s always been good at that. She'd be kind and good now, he's certain. It makes him fluster and falter, half ready to call her in despite the look on Delmira’s face, when the knock comes again reminds him exactly why it would be unwise to let her in.

“Sir? Are you ill? Should I fetch your mother?”

She sounds more urgent now, more concerned in that light, calm way only Katagiri can do, and Ryuken knows he has to act quickly if he wishes to keep her out of the room. Silence speaks volumes and, while having to play sick would be better than the truth, fetching his mother would result in nothing but trouble; Ryuken’s often been told he gets her perceptive nature from her and protesting he’s fine won’t wash if Katagiri reports in to her. He’ll be in for a night of concern and questions and the chance he has to gain answers from Delmira will vanish and likely never come again. 

“It’s nothing, I’m fine” he replies hastily, trying his best to sound normal when normal is the farthest thing from what he feels in this moment. “it’s okay, Katagiri. Nothing to concern yourself with”

It’s not nice but it’s done. He feels no joy at offering her this white lie, but it does the trick. He can sense her pause outside the door, suspecting she hasn’t entirely bought his reassurances but can’t quite bring herself to risk asking again either. She’s learnt by now that he’s stubborn and there’s some things worth hanging on to no matter who asks. His face stays grim, half wondering just how many times he’s sent her away now when all she seems to want to do is help. He wonders one day if she’ll simply stop trying. He hopes that perhaps he can sort this before they reach that point, although there’s a part of him who wonder if it might be already too late.

“Goodnight, sir”

“Goodnight, Katagiri”

They, Ryuken and Delmira, listen as the footsteps finally echo down the corridor, leaving them alone once more. The threat might be gone but the tension remains. The close call mellows Ryuken. He has no desire to do as Delmira suggests , but the daemon offers very little in the way of alternatives. The conversation remains unfinished, the daemon in her leopard form, curled up and silent by the time Ryuken returns from the door. He may want to talk, but she does not. He tries but she remains silent, using Katagiri's appearance to finally get her way. There will be no further answers tonight. 

Ryuken doesn’t sleep though. Not for many hours anyway. He’s not sure if anyone could after all that.

Delmira’s normal night time habits always involve her snake form. She’ll curl round his wrist as he settles then move as he moves, wriggling away from being crushed whenever he moves in his sleep. He often wakes with her on his pillow, watching him through unblinking black eyes. Tonight though, she returns to the foot of the bed, curling up as the leopard and not saying a single word to him. It feels odd to be without her and, even though he doesn’t try to prepare for bed or lie down, Ryuken still wishes she’d come closer. He feels oddly incomplete without the snake. Cold and a little lost. At one point he reaches out to touch the thick fur in the hopes it might wake her up. Maybe, he hopes, he can apologies and they can get back to normal. Maybe that might help ease his mind or stop the turning long enough for him to lie down a sleep a few hours. She barely stirs however, just groans then chirps and flicks her tail before curling in even harder on herself as if determined not to knowledge the pensive boy at her side.

“sorry” Ryuken, whispers, patting the spikes of fur around her shoulders “I won’t ask again. It’s just hard … that’s all”

He falls into a resigned silence, meaning it in the heat of the moment, but knowing deep down that what she knows and the question of when Delmira will finally settle is going to plague him until she finally does. It doesn’t matter anyway. Delmira doesn’t stir and eventually, after hours of watching the stars through the window and contemplating just what the future may hold, Ryuken also sleeps; curling in with the cat and nestling into her soft fur – the daemon big and protective and the comfort he needs at this moment even if he wouldn’t admit that.

He wakes in the morning, as stiff as a board with bright yellow sun streaming across his face and a comfortable medium between too hot and too cold, depending on where leopard fur touches. His alarm hasn’t gone off and he’s already late. Groaning and cursing himself in silence for his ineptitude, he shuffles off the bed, deciding the fallout from last night will wait until later. He doesn’t have much of a choice, he’s overslept by about thirty minutes and people will wonder where he is if he doesn’t show his face before school. Breakfast is about the only meal he doesn’t avoid nowadays. He opens the door and steps out, in his haste forgetting to lower his wrist and encourage Delmira to wind herself around his wrist.

The leopard follows, padding behind him as if this is no different to any other morning.

He enters the bathroom, locks the door before filling the basin and splashing water against his face. It goes someway to chasing away the last threads of sleep; taking away some of the staleness, although his reflection suggests a shower will still be needed if he truly wishes to look presentable. The restless night shows in the worst possible way, bags under the eyes, hair sticking up and he now has a fiancée to make an impression on. It’ll only make him more late but it can’t be helped.

The leopard sits serenely on the bathmat, her fur fluffed up from the humidity by the time Ryuken emerges and watches him dress while washing her paw. 

Ryuken dresses, runs a comb through his hair then makes his way downstairs. His emergence into the dining room is met with a raised eyebrow, a curt comment from his mother about late nights and overdoing it with his studies, which Ryuken brushes past. He’s not that late he thinks, taking his seat, not enough for people to be concerned.

The leopard trails behind him, his mother watches it, wide eyed but not questioning as she sits at Ryuken’s feet, making it crystal clear to everyone in the room just who’s Daemon she is. An eerie silence fills the room, noticed last of all by Ryuken. He looks to his mother, his fiancée to the servants; puzzling at just what could be the issue. He wonders, that is, until he looks down and finally catches sight of Delmira and feels his stomach hit the floor. The leopard looks back, impassive.

“That’s new” comments his mother

Ryuken can only nod. He swallows hard, narrowing his eyes at Delmira, hurt that after how hard he’s worked in the last few weeks, she has finally given the game away. It’s enough to put him off his breakfast. It’s a betrayal, almost the worst kind. He wonders if she’s sulking after last night but doesn’t think she could possibly be that cruel. They’re two halves of the same whole. Who would do that to their other half? Not Delmira, she’s better than that. Or at least, that what Ryuken hopes. He looks to Masaki who looks as surprised as his mother does and knows there’s nothing to be done. She’s given the game away and the consequences will have to be faced, most likely after school where his mother will have all the time in the world to quiz him on just why Delmira isn’t settled yet. Great.

There’s not much he can do at this second. Those around him know now and getting Delmira to change back into the snake won’t magic away what everyone knows. For now, he’ll have to accept it, like it or not and pray he can snap her out of whatever mood she’s in before they get to school. He can’t have this known on a wider scale. The meal passes awkwardly with Ryuken making his excuses as quickly as he can before vanishing back to his room for bag and books. He’s late and it’s a good excuse as any to get the hell out of there and get Delmira on her own. He takes the stairs two at a time, focussed on the purpose of getting back into his bedroom and therefore a space where they can talk. It’s a mercy when he shuts the door and leopard finds herself a space on the bed.

“snake” Ryuken says, grabbing his bag and stuffing books and sheets of meticulously completed homework into “now.”

The leopard says nothing, just blinks and observes his frenzy; a patch of calm in the whirlwind of activity. He stops in his tracks, bag in one hand, the other wrist held out awaiting a small green snake with unblinking black eyes to wind itself around it.

“Delmira…”

Still nothing. He considers apologising again, this time so she can hear it. He considers begging. He’s flown under the radar for so long now, the mere thought of showing up at school without the snake is too much. A lecture from his mother he can stomach, a crowd of idiotic and curious peers who would cheerfully hang him out to dry for the sake of entertainment is enough to scare the shit out of him.

“we don’t have time for this”

His fear shows now, reflected in his eyes, hissed out in a tone which shows he knows full well he’s powerless to get her to change if she doesn’t want to. He knows she holds the power here, that whether she changes or not is entirely up to her. She’s never done this before but then again, they’ve never had a conversation as fraught as the one last night. Maybe he’s wrong and she really is cruel enough to punish him like this.

“please?”

Still nothing. She’s watching him, tail flicking back and forth, back and forth, swiping away the seconds until they’ll need to leave the room and risk facing a barrage of peers on the way to school. He feels the pressure mount, knows she must be aware of it, but even that isn’t enough for her to take any action to ease his mind. The bag is packed now, the clock suggesting 8am, the time he normally leaves. He has one last chance to do this.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, meaning it from the bottom of his heart “really sorry. I won’t ask again – you’ll settle when you can, I won’t rush you. Just please…the snake, for school”

Still nothing, until seconds later an explanation comes like a bolt from the blue, leaving havoc in its’ wake.

“ _You asked for this to stop.”_

The frenzy stops. An exasperated Ryuken letting the bag fall on the bed in favour of remonstrating with his confusingly stubborn daemon. She’s right, he did ask, but now he’s taking that back; he’s asking for _just_ this one thing…

“I know, but you have to see-“

The pieces begin to fall into place, although he’s far from holding the complete picture yet. The words dry up in his throat as he finally gets what she’s trying to get at. His expression transitions from confusion to realisation in the time it takes for the leopard to twitch her ears and cock her head; everything now so crystal clear and devastating.

 _“you said you could live with the consequences”_ she says, simply, matter of fact-ly, while Ryuken gapes, aware he can’t deny how right she is about that.

“but the snake…”

There will be no snake. Not anymore. No matter how certain Ryuken may have been of that at one point. He can ask and plead and beg but it’ll make no difference. The snake is gone. He has what he wants, except it isn’t what he expected. Not at all. He stands. He stares, not sure what to do with himself now.

“ _you said you needed to make the right impression_ ”

Another truth he cannot get away from. Nor can he deny that this leopard in all her snowy glory is the kind of daemon a leader should sport. It’s a powerful form, the kind of thing you see presidents and lawyers and generals walking beside. The kind of form that leaves no room for argument. The epitome of everything Ryuken feels he’s not in this moment. The snake suited him, the snake was who they were.

“Yes” he says, feeling his guts churn at admitting it. He knows better than to lie to her, not when he’d been so adamant the night before then.

“ _Then do you not have what you want? What’s best for us?”_

He can’t answer that, not right away anyway. Who can really say? Certainly not him. Certainly not when the future had seemed so certain the night before. He stares silently, wondering what they’ll say at school, just what his wife to be thinks and what she’ll say when she realises this is Delmira’s final form.

“We’re late” he says, wearily after a long pause “We need to get to school”

The leopard nods and slips off the bed, her paws hit the wood of the floor boards with a thud, her tail swishing lazily as she sashays to the door. Ryuken grabs his bag, going through the motions with none of the speed he’d had before their talk.

_“Your mother was impressed”_

“Yeah?”

Ryuken can’t honestly say he’d noticed beyond that first piercing look. He opens the door, takes the stairs one at a time as the leopard lumps after him. His mother would like this form, he thinks, it’s everything she expects from her son. Maybe that will help him after school when she inevitably calls him into the living room again. He reaches the front door but turns towards the dining room before he opens it, seeing the two women still sat at the breakfast table, not saying a word to one another. He considers saying goodbye, but instead turns away and heads out.

At least, he supposes, this way, he hasn’t let anyone down.


End file.
